Its 4:53am and since i believe this is the solution or atleast some way of releasing this energy into the world then so be it. This well….is one of the reasons. The second is because talking to anyone about how i am feeling tonight is well very unlikely for pretty much anyone close enough is a contributor to this feel. So i write it here. Hoping someone will hear it and atleast have some empathy. Im almost positive the ones i want to read this will either make this solely about themselves OR make this a reason for not having faith in me and in all honest…….maybe the 2nd one is correct…….well atleast to a degree.
I feel like im drowning and now just drowning but in a cycle of drowning and no one either wants to help or and the ones that do cant. Im tired of being this pillar for everyone. Im tired of being the one that picks up the tab. Im tired of saying “yeah i got it” im tired of struggling. Im tired of being this rock. Maybe if there was a lil 50/50 going on or if my soul was at ease then maybe i wouldnt be feeling his sinking feeling i find myself falling into more often than ever. Trying to seem like everything is okay is hard and gets exhausting and i think doing that for 25 years is starting to catch up on me.
Sometimes i feel like cutting off everyone and everything is the solution. Just being by myself, for myself. Give up this friendship, this relationship, this family. Give leave and start anew. I want the world to wait for me. Give me a sec to catch up. Get things together and then reenter it. If only it was so simple. This is the most unhealthy i have every felt in my whole life. Mentally and physically. I need help. Without and “i told u so” and without a “payback” motive. I need genuine. I need someone to look out for me……..im not sure if im getting that or will ever get that.
Apparently to some i have done so much evil that i dont deserve that. Maybe they are right. Wat ever this period in my life is. Im positive its a punishment.
No more abandonment…..
YES!!! Done are the days where my words where coded and layed in fear of them boomeranging back at me with knives in hand. I have left that moment of fear in the past. The resurrection of this page has begain……
Firstly greetings as always. Finally the night time skyline and my fingers have connected. It feels as if the two have missed each other. It has been quite a min since my eyes have seen this site for more than a few mins. Mostly because my intimate feelings expressed on this page where used against me in moments of anger. Forcing me to shy away from her and this page. Funny, how I never saw that coming from her but oh well. The reality is this page regardless of whose eyes may or may not see it, is for me. Yes a lot of this are directed at or about my wife. This site is my mind in word form. So naturally the one I love will be a main part. I don’t let others censor my thoughts about her, Then why should I let them censor this page???
The Queen deserves a shrine. Yes, this is admittedly part shrine to her. She can’t be compared to anyone in my life. She is in a catagory all of her own. A lone amazing entity. If it takes every being in my body, she will understand wat she means to me. That means I will use any means to show that to her. Which means even using this blog. She has totally mystified me with her essence. Her soul captivates me. Her spirit sings to me. Her body stimulates me and Her breathing calms me. She has been pushed to the for front past everyone short of The Almighty. She must know this.
So long blog short…..this shrine is back in buisness. The Moon must be relished for her brilliance. MWAH to my wife. Thank u for being everything I ever wanted and more.
Now……let me call my baby back and try this sleep thing. May God bless u all with the joy I have found. Ameen! U all deserve this grade of happiness.
~ Kins
The Warrior’s Song
By Amir Sulaiman
Warrior’s plight and a warrior’s song. Always paying the price so the truth will live on. Against the venomous bite and the vice of shaytaan. Have to struggle for right while other do wrong. In the heat of the night where the light is all gone. I cant stop the fight till the light of the dawn. Now heaven’s in sight so i gotta move on. I’ll see u next life. U gotta be strong.
If Allah(swt) calls me, dont ask why. Ur mothers is a warrior and warriors die. If the beast finds me and the bullets fly. Ur wife a warrior and warriors die. If I die by the sword, u’ll know why. Ur daughters a warrior and warriors die. If i should leave, dont u cry. Ur sisters is a warrior and warriors die.
Tell the people the truth, So the beast hates me. They want my neck in a noose. My body swinging from trees. Islam is my roap and this is my deen. I’d rather die on my feet. Then live on my knees. How I can be free while others oppressed? Plan the fight the beast while there’s still blood in my chest. While my eyes still see and my lungs still have breath. I’m bringing my heat….but I’m leaving my vest.
If Allah(swt) calls me. Don’t ask why. Ur mothers a warrior and warriors die. If the beast finds me and the bullets fly. Ur wife is a warrior and warriors die. If I die by the sword. U’ll know why. Ur daughters a warrior and warriors die. If I should leave. Don’t u cry. Ur sisters a warrior and warriors die.
Ba ba ba…ba ba ba… baa na na na baa na na na
If Allah(swt) calls me don’t ask why, pray I’m a martyr cuz martyrs don’t die. If the beast finds me and the bullets fly. Pray I’m Shaheed. The Suhadah don’t die. If I die by the sword, u’ll know why. Just pray I’m martyr cuz martyrs don’t die. If I should leave. Don’t u cry. Just pray I’m Shaheed. The Suhada don’t die.
Ba ba ba….ba ba ba….baa na na na….baa na na na
Sometimes…….
SOMETIMES THERE IS NOTHING MORE TO SAY………
